I don’t want to have to force my feelings on everyone but right now life just seems really crappy. Rowing Is going really rough and it has been ever since I got back home to Seattle for winter break. I have been struggling to feel like I was accomplishing. Once I got to Florida for our winter training trip, things got much worse. My coach basically told me I was terrible and things started to get so bad. I thought things would change once back at SU. I was partially right but now I’m having serious problems mentally. I’ve come to learn that I am what’s holding myself back. I am mentally destroying myself and its impacting my rowing severely. I don’t know what to do and I feel worth/helpless/not worth being where I am. I put in so much work but apparently I am just handicapped or something…all I know is that I have something preventing my success that the other guys don’t and I don’t know if I will ever be able to get passed this.
I want to get faster so badley that its making me slower. I am my own hindrance